As part of the US Open’s celebration of 50 years of equal prize money for men and women, USOpen.org is featuring a series of essays from successful women in a variety of fields, each offering personal perspectives on the importance of equality as well as individual insights into the challenges they’ve overcome in their respective career journeys. In this installment, Laurie Hernandez, 2016 Olympic gold and silver medalist, shares the importance of taking care of your mental health and giving yourself grace, even—and especially—when you’re a role model.
When I was five years old, I remember one day watching gymnastics on TV, just sitting there with my family and pointing to the screen. As soon as I saw what these gymnasts could do, I looked at my mom and said, “Ma, I want to be just like these girls.” She immediately put me in, and after a single day of classes, I was hooked.
Eleven years later, I won an Olympic gold medal in the team competition with the 2016 U.S. women’s gymnastics team, as well as an individual silver medal on the balance beam. I was only 16, but suddenly I became the gymnast that little girls watched and pointed at the screen, begging their parents to put them in gymnastics… all because they saw me do it, too, and I looked like them. It was wild to truly understand that my life had come full circle.
Within the joys of that realization, I quickly learned that there was a lot of responsibility to being a Latina on the U.S. women’s gymnastics team because of the scarce representation we have. I remember teenage Laurie searching for gymnasts who had curly hair like me, gymnasts who had the same skin tone as me, gymnasts who just kind of looked like me—and my mom always knew that they were my favorite because that was the representation I was subconsciously searching for.
But to actually find a Latina out there, it was quite difficult—not nonexistent, but just very difficult. There were times when I found it painful to navigate the pressure of becoming the representation that I wanted when I was a little girl, but I understood that it was a really big deal for me and my family to show up for our community.
As for the 2016 Games, I was aware that I had signed up to go compete on the biggest stage in the world. Nailing routines with that amount of pressure is exactly what I trained for. What I hadn’t trained for was to be a role model for other Latinas at such a young age. It took me some time to understand that people were looking up to me as more than just a gymnast, and eventually, I learned to understand not to let those pressures stress me out. Now I know that I’m allowed to solely take on what I can handle; the rest is just letting people know that they're not alone.
When it comes to navigating my own mental health… I had a lot of performance anxiety growing up, and it was especially prevalent the older I got. My mom—being the incredible mother and social worker she is—recognized the importance of mental health, and would do her best to teach me different breathing exercises and generally talk me through my anxiousness. But at the end of the day, it was up to me to discover how my body and mind were reacting, and how to shift my perspective in a way that I made sure I felt safe competing even with shaking hands and intrusive thoughts. With every competition, I had to fight that battle with my body and brain. I still tend to fight them to this day. Learning how much I can handle, and taking care of my mental health, has been a lifelong process—and one that is still ongoing, considering I’m only 23.
But in the midst of other athletes who appear perfect, it was hard not to feel shameful about my mental health and my struggles. It used to feel like if you weren’t perfect, you weren’t enough—even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. It took time (and lots of therapy) to learn how to talk about it, to open up and reach out for help, and now I know how important it is. I recognize that reaching out for help doesn't make you weak: in fact, it makes you very, very brave, and smart for actively using the resources around you.
"I recognize that reaching out for help doesn't make you weak: in fact, it makes you very, very brave, and smart for actively using the resources around you." -Laurie Hernandez
Athletes like Naomi Osaka, Michael Phelps and Simone Biles openly talking about mental health, therapy, and what they’re going through is so helpful to let other athletes know that they're not alone in those feelings. They are living proof that you can go and do great things while protecting and taking care of your mental health, and it’s a really big game-changer to have athletes of that caliber speak up in media and in real life.
Even though I’ve been advocating for mental health for a while now, it’s not always easy to take my own advice. I still struggle with perfectionism and performance anxiety. I’m now a student at NYU Tisch and let me tell you… those habits of toxic perfectionism and performance anxiety continue to tackle me like bees to honey. But talking about it is the first step to making those feelings a little less powerful. That's why I’m telling you all of this.
In order to pave the way for different modes of equality, it’s imperative that those comfortable use their voice and speak up and talk about their experiences. I know sometimes it feels like you're fighting against a wall, but mental health resources and mental health advocacy is so important in today's day and age, especially in the world of sports. I cannot commend each person enough for speaking out, so cheers to you. And to those who aren't ready to talk about it yet, know that I am behind you, every step of the way. We’ve got this.
